Parking Bottom on Chair

20 Dec '24 - 8 Jan '25 | The CMP Blog | Noah Read

After the Pitch
After the pitch, I spent weeks refining notes, sketching ideas, and shaping vague storylines into something tangible. I adapted my original idea into something a little more stripped-back. Rather than a feature-length idea, I took an element of that world, and put it to paper. I want to explore a small group of 'heretics' who need to infiltrate a main government base to rescue one of their own. The kidnapped protagonist, meanwhile, will try to escape on his own.
Now, I will finally follow PG Wodehouse's advice, 'park bottom on chair', and try and write a script.
I always write better at night - I think there's less distractions - so its about 7pm now.

These are a compilation of my notes before, during and after the writing process.

Characters
Two interrogators with fractured loyalties to the system they serve - Johnny Wilde, from New York. Eddie Wilde, from London.
Three dissidents - David, Franz and Gloria
The Protagonist:
I have considered keeping my Protagonist named 'Protagpnist', as he is a vessel for the everyman in this dystopian world. Like the surname 'Smith' in 1984, Protagonist could be anyone, and that's the whole point. Like how Winston wasn't alone in his thinking, neither is he — and by extension, neither are you. It would let the viewer engage with the character and lets the character embody the viewer.
I'm not sure if that's just lazy, though.
David is named after Goliath, in a way. He is built like a viking but with the intelligence of David. He is the frontman of the dissidents group — the Mr Robot of FSocety; the Billy Butcher of the Boys — even the Alex of the Droogs — but not quite.
Franz is named after Kafka, who is a massive inspiration to me and my writing. The character is an eccentric tech-enthusiastic 'sidekick' character. He frontmans the main scope of the Eden triad's missions, scouting out drones and planning routs and supplying weapons.
Gloria is named after the secondary protagonist from the Green Day album '21st Century Breakdown', and she is the muscle of the group. She is a trained fighter, and her sleight figure allows her to be moe nimble and outmanoeuvre larger opponents. There is a slight romantic interest between her and Protagonist, which I may or may not explore slightly depending on word count. Her fighting skills are vital to the group's survival.
Johnny and Eddie both have their own backstories, but won't be explored much on screen, partially due to time constraints. Originally, I wanted them to be 'The Trial'-like interrogators, working dutifully for the central government, like an O'Brien, but decided that having no one on board with the system is ultimately more Kafkaesque and dystopian. Even when no one is watching, everyone still behaves as they're told.

World-building
The dystopian state is formed around a tyrannical central bureaucracy — inspired by the Kafkaesque nightmare — that has utter control and power. It is based in what was once London. The story beings in medias res, immersing the character in an pre-established landscape.  Dirnt and Wilde both have histories with the government, Eddie has family who dissented and were subsequently incarcerated (or executed) by the state. Eddie has to keep is toes in line or risk meeting his own demise. Johnny, similarly, has seen firsthand the horror of the central government. He works as an interrogator, alongside Eddie, but previously he was involved in preparing prisoners for their 'extractions', as the government called it — places where the truth would be extracted from you, one way or another.
Our main characters live in a safe house in the bottom of an old pub, called The Dentons' Inn, which has a triple meaning. Denton is an Old English name which means 'valley town'. The base is deep within the ruins of the pub, down a narrow flight of stairs — it is, in its own way, a valley town; a valley safe house. The Denton legal test is a set of rules supporting the idea that Courts should consider all the circumstances of a breach of sanctions case before delivering a verdict. The tertiary tenor, is the sign on the pub, which, along with the rest of the establishment, is dilapidated and ruinous, reading only "e Den". Subsequently, the safe haven becomes known as 'eDen'.
I tried to avoid spending too much time on describing the internal politics of the world. I want to leave it open-ended, allowing the audience to draw their own conclusions, while giving pointers in the right sort of direction. The initial and most-on-the-nose allegory is the base being called 'eDen', a safe haven. This extends through the story, however. The New World Order, or whatever I actually decide to call it, is based on historical dystopias — Soviet Russia or Nazi Gemany are the usual ones likened to popular dystopian novels, but I also drew inspiration from Pre-Revolutionary and Napoleonic France, and the Roman Empire right before and just after its cultural implosion. I also took inspiration from recent events in the UK and abroad: the riots and looting on both sides of the political spectrum in 2020 and '21, the Portland vigilante takeover where Portland burned for months. I deliberately didn't give a face to the tyranny — the whole point is that it comes from anywhere — or, more likely, everywhere — it once.
It takes two to tyranny; the Bolsheviks united Mensheviks and Socialist Revolutionaries and the proletariat across the politics spectrum during the October Revolution in 1917, exploiting the power vacuum left after the February Revolution that overthrew the Tsarist regime and capitalising on widespread dissatisfaction, uniting workers and revolutionaries to seize power after the fall of the Tsar.
The Nazis also initially had support across the board, promising to end the strife left after Hindenburg's departure. The point is, tyranny is both a class issue and a political one. There are plenty of examples of the horror of Communism and Fascism alike; when ou go to any extreme, you end up at the same destination, whether you come from the left or right, or the upper or lower class. Were the French happier under Napoleon than under King Louis XVI? While Napoleon brought stability after the French Revolution, his rule also marked a return to authoritarianism, trading the chaos of revolution for centralised control. The Russians were definitely not happier under Lenin than they were under Tsar Nicholas II, the Germans were definitely worse off under Hitler than under Hindenburg (after the Nazis exploited political instability, gaining power through a mix of legal manipulation and popular support, consolidating control even before Hindenburg’s death), and the Romans were worse off after the coup on Çaesar, the Empire’s decline being marked by corruption and economic strife, reflecting how centralised power decays from within.
1984 shows how you don't even need a real dictator to have complete control: Big Brother is just a system of Bureaucrats who will work to eradicate hope — in the name of the greater good — to achieve complete social and psychological control. The Handmaid's Tale shows life in a theocracy, where again, there is no one singular leader. In Brave New World, citizens of the World State worship a deified Henry Ford.
In my script, I want to explore the ideas of a power vacuum, or the false sense of security from thinking there is one. They manage to invade a Government facility with relative ease, in a way that you wouldn't necessarily expect: they're all skilled fighters, and the Guards are clone drone, so don't have any ingenuity, but for a system as rigid as the Central Government, there should be more safeguards against intruder. Likewise, when the camera flies through the building, the only room we see that isn't empty is the Interrogation Room. Again, I would like the viewer to draw their own conclusions, however I want to subtly hint that maybe there are holes in the iron fist that crips the New World Order. It's also an allegory for religion, to a point: an omnipotent, omnipresent figure who choses who and when to punish and enforces law and order. Yet, perhaps there is nothing really there. Like how Big Brother is a concept rather than an actual figure, the Central Government thrives on a dogmatic belief in its own omnipotence, much like religious and political extremisms that demand absolute loyalty and suppress dissent, being propped up by hardcore individuals rather than a single dictator. To extend this allegory, it also applies to political extremism, which often present like a religion or cult. Like religious zealotry, political extremism demands unwavering faith and obedience, often leading to blind spots regarding its own atrocities. Are neo-Marxists who are blind to the atrocities of Communist history really any more enlightened than the fundamentalist who think homosexuality is a sin or the Jihadi pilots who think crashing passenger jets into buildings or bombing London busses will give them 72 virgins?
All this to say, I want the world I build to feel gritty and lived-in, with reflections of society past and present. To quote Ronald Reagan, "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction." There's a reason dystopian fiction often feels just a little too familiar.
Ultimately, I want to let the audience project their own fears and interpretations in to this world.

Dialogue
Tarantino undoubtably has some of the best dialogue in cinematic history. I spent a lot of time re-watching his films, and similar, and looking at what makes good dialogue. The answer, I think, is randomness. In real life, people don't stay on-topic and discus only what the plot needs them to for exposition. A few years ago I produced a piece of Verbatim Theatre, inspired by Alecky Blythe, and one takeaway from that was just how quickly the topic changes in a conversation. In one (admittedly extreme) example, our interviewees started off talking about their childhood, and within minutes were talking about poppers and gay sex. One scene that always stick with me is when Vince and Jules are driving in "Pulp Fiction", talking about the French quarter pounder, the Royale with Cheese. It goes to this from their conversation about an Amsterdam hash bar. It is so mundane on the face of it, and yet so engaging. I endeavour to bring this kind of dialogue to my script, creating characterisation through seemingly-irrelevant topics. I want to give each character a unique voice and style and way of speaking, not adding characters and words just for the sake of it., and having my characters defined by how they speak - their mannerisms, vocabularies and tone - rather than by what they say, necessarily.

Action
When it comes to action, I always think about Edgar Wright's "Baby Driver". This was one of the first films I fell in love with. The pacing of the action, and the links to diegetic music especially. When Wright was first sending his script to production companies, he included a USB with the music on it, and implored them to listen as they read. Equally, I love the use of non-diegetic audio in films like "Se7en" or, more recently "Bones and All". I didn't find the story of this especially interesting (I've never been one for horror and gore) but Nine Inch Nails' soundtrack really gripped me and kept me watching. My protagonist's name, Rez, is a nod to Trent Reznor. When writing the action towards the end of the script, I focused on the timing of the music extremely specifically (quoting lines and giving timestamps where necessary). There is also some visual links to the lyrics: specifically with the exploding head on the line "you blow my head". The audio is both diegetic and non-diegetic: it is playing in the interrogation room, but obviously cannot be heard on the streets, so here it is just for the audience.
I considered many, many songs before resting on Queen's "Get Down, Make Love" — I even tried Nine Inch Nails' cover of the same song, but ultimately thought Queen worked better. Some close contenders I also tried are Sex Pistols' "God Save the Queen", Radiohead's "Electioneering", The Smiths' "Panic", and Queen's "Sheer Heart Attack". Initially, I wanted to use a song that was the final track on Side A of its record, so that Eddie or Johnny could go to flip it over once the song finishes. "News of the World" Side B starts with GDML, so instead I had it that Johnny would put the record on while e're watching the Eden Triad, during the interrogation poker game.

Biting the Bullet
My first 'finished' draft was just over 3700 words — 700 over the limit, and 400 over the absolute maximum limit. I managed to get it down to about 3400, now at a point where it felt full and polished but was still too many words... I considered cutting a chunk of action out, but didn't want to mess with my timing to the music, and there was no dialogue I could easily cut because it all built character. However, over the course of a day, I managed to get it down to 3316, removing the equivalent of an entire page — which meant that, with 16 pages and 16 words overt he maximum, I could just remove one word from each page. Obviously, this didn't work, but I did manage to loose a few words on every other page, so my word count now sits proudly at exactly 3300 words, without losing any major chunks.
This was definitely the right move, as I was able to consolidate some - for want of a better term - waffle, and make the whole script a bit tighter and more concise. (So thank you for making me do this!!)

Evaluation
Overall, I'm really happy with how my script has turned out. It tells the story, I want to tell, in the way I want to tell it, and hopefully in a way that would make an audience want to keep watching. My cliffhanger end leaves it open-ended, mirroring the structure of the political landscape I've devised, and also hopefully adds a layer of intrigue. I hope this would resonate with viewers, inviting them to reflect on its themes and draw their own interpretations.
This project has been an excellent learning experience, challenging me to think critically about pacing, dialogue, and world-building, and the process of editing the script down to the word count was particularly rewarding, as it taught me the value of conciseness and focus in storytelling. I don't think it was worse when it was longer, but I do think it's now definitely tighter.





Post Script — 
I have really enjoyed this module, and thank you so much for all your help and guidance throughout it. (As a side note, I really loved your episode of The Bill!) I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and happy new year!
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